Of Paranoia, Acceptance, and Forgiveness

The birthplace of an idea is in the mind. The difficulty one faces when he thinks he is the 'subject' truly makes him meticulous in his words, objectively verifies pieces of evidence because of guilt, and weaves stories to make coherent picture of altered reality. According to psychiatrists, a paranoid tries to gain sympathy. His energy is focused on gathering data to protect himself and to 'revenge' exactly by weaving statements against his imagined persecutors. At the end of the day, he wants to believe that he is the aggrieved party although his alleged persecutors are not aware of the suspicion. Thus, paranoia becomes a disease.

Projection protects the paranoid from his anxiety. He then absolves himself from responsibility and instead tries to blame his alleged persecutors of his own doing. A paranoid seems to create another persona, an alter ego. That is why he can readily switch from one persona to the other. 

One thing good about human conflicts in literature is the word CATHARSIS. Catharsis is purgation or purification. It is the cleansing of one’s soul. Aristotle in his Poetics discusses how drama can affect the individual. When someone feels that he is on the ‘verge of criticism’, he gets affected. On the other hand, he should try to reflect and perhaps look at the sky and then realize that something must be wrong. Once he creates a vivid image of acceptance with both hands, he would feel refreshed, clean, and safe. That is what you call character, with a rational mind.

It is unfortunate that rarely one gets to accept and change for the better. He always wants to blame people around. It is unbelievable that someone who has paranoia can manipulate souls and worse can even deceive other souls with regard to their thoughts. At times he can be too presumptuous.

Then there is grandiosity that protects himself from the feeling of being helpless and powerless to stop his life from being monitored. Thus, he develops an inner core of grandiosity. He does not want people especially his persecutors that he is financially and emotionally burden. He needs to be showy... a fake... a put on.

In this world of deception and lies, an individual needs to weigh whether deception can be benign or self-inflicted. A person’s feeling that he is ‘tortured’ is an act of madness. In certain cases, truth might be told in such a manner that it appears to be false. There are quite a few people who are good at telling lies. They have mastered the art of lying. However, the most unforgiving lie is lying to oneself. This is denying or rationalizing away the relevance or significance of one’s worth. In this manner, an individual has attachments to beliefs, which in some cases may be irrational.

"We're miserable because we think that we are mere individuals, alone with our fears and flaws and resentment and mortality." This moving and inspiring quote is from Gilbert's phenomenal book 'Eat Pray Love'. Indeed, a human being thinks he is miserable because he does not stop doing miserable things. I want to believe that there are people who think that being a mortal justifies his unpleasant acts. Moreover Gilbert talks about balance. Like other souls, there are those that are burdened with the Buddhists called the 'monkey mind'- the thoughts that swing from limb to limb, stopping only to scratch their head, spit and then howl! This human mind swings through time, touching on dozens of ideas in a minute, unharness and worse undisciplined. On the contrary, I would like to believe that to lose balance sometimes is part of living a balanced life. What a paradox of life!

To conclude, in this very shallow world of hypocrisy, one has to admit that life is what we make it. At the end of the day, a human being is held liable to all the stupendous ' wicked acts' he has done not only to himself but also to his brethren. Acceptance is never easy especially when there is denial. 

Worse, the wicked acts are REPEATEDLY DONE! Forgiving oneself is another thing.

P.M.Agaton :) Sept. 10, 2011@5:45PM